A trip down Dimond Blvd. June 4, 2007

Today marks 30 days at my new job in Fairbanks and 35 days since my move to Fairbanks. My payrate was increased to $16.00 an hour today and I only have one more month until I'm at my $18.00 an hour rate that I left in Anchorage. I have been working as a cocktail waitress at the Malemute Saloon in Ester which is a town about ten miles from Fairbanks. The tourist season opened May 25 and I have been cocktailing four days a week ever since. I absolutely LOVE this job. I only work 2-3 hours a night and take home anywhere from $25-$65 in tips on top of my $10.00 an hour wage. I don't regret my decision to move to Fairbanks at all. I have made a very good friend here: Ms. Charlottee Treakle. We met while I was working at the beer shack at the Salmon Bake before the Malemute opened. I can't explain how great it is to have a female friendship when you're in a town where you know no one except for your boyfriend and his friends.

My sister, Patty, and my nephews, Kyle and Kobe, came to visit this weekend. It really made me realize how much I miss Anchorage and all my friends and family. I have felt a little meloncholy this morning while reminscing all the things I took for granted during my every day life in Anchorage.

For example:

1.) Going to The Perfect Cup for chicken salad sandwiches with Melinda and Stinky Butt.

2.) BBQ chicken pizza and raspberry wheet bear from The Moose's Tooth.

3.) Playing "DRINK" with Cari, Drew, and Jeremiah.

4.) ALL of the various apartments I lived in across Dimond Blvd.

5.) Thirsty Thursday with Kristina.

6.) Gin and tonics with Terry.

7.) Making fun of Courtney's boyfriend, Sean, by saying he LOVES the cock.

8.) Home cooked meals at Momma Knapp's and Momma Rahoi's.

9.) Hanging in the garage with Momma Tirapelli.

10.) Weekends at Patty's house.

One Year May 20, 2007

How I wish. How I wish you were here. I haven't deleted your number out of my cell phone. It brings me a little comfort to see it in there and to know that I once called you from my phone and that you once called me. All in all I think I'm dealing with your absence somewhat fine. I still miss you like hell and there's so much I want to share with you. That is the hardest part. Wanting to call you and tell you something and then remembering that I can only talk to you in my prayers. I really want to introduce you to Dan. I really want you to tell me how cool he is and how I picked a good one this time. I miss you.

An Anchorage Tater In Fairbanks May 14, 2007

I have been living in Fairbanks for twelve days now and I fucking love it! I started working as a bookkeeper last Tuesday at Alaska Best Plumbing and Heating. I started working as a bartender/cocktail waitress yesterday for Alaska Salmon Bake. Right now I'm in the beer shack at Pioneer Park (Alaska Land) until the Malemute Saloon opens up next week. I worked four and half hours yesterday and make $40.00 in tips. I was quite proud. Momma's bringing in the money. For all of you wondering about Tarapalooza, I am planning to STILL have it in Anchorage this year. Melinda is looking for a hall to rent out for the party so if you have any ideas, please send them to her. Also, I will need everyone to message me their addresses AGAIN because my addresses were on my old work computer that I no longer have access to. Tarapalooza will be held on Saturday, July 28 of this year. I will be sending out invites approximately a month in advance. This year I will be including a t-shirt order form that you will need to send back with money if you would like a shirt.

Saying Goodbye May 1, 2007

I have often wondered why saying good bye is the hardest thing to do. It dawned on me today that too often we are saying good bye to someone that we don't want to say good bye to. There's nothing you can do when you are forced to say good bye. You know that the pain will eventually fade and it won't always hurt as much as it did today. You yearn for the days when it will be better and then you wonder if you will actually get over this person or have you just learned to live with the fact and you are now numb to the pain? More often than not I find myself blaming God for this pain, and if God with all his mighty power cannot bring this person back to me, is he worth believing in? Why would God have me meet this person and grow to love this person if they were to be eventually taken away? Why love at all if all you feel is hurt when it's over? There is supposed to be some "lesson" in all this pain, but all I feel is pain and I have no idea what lesson could possibly come of this.