I apologize if I have been distant to some of you lately. I found out on Tuesday that Zack and I were pregnant. The excitement was overbearing. I was so happy to be bringing life into this world. I felt in my heart that the good lord gives and takes away. I may have lost my brother in May, but I was being given the most precious gift...life.

On Friday morning I awoke to really bad cramps in my left side and down my leg, I was also bleeding really heavy. I went to the hospital immediately. After blood tests, internal ultra sounds, and the normal ultra sounds I was informed that I was having an ectopic pregnancy. The fertilized egg was implanted outside of the uterus and settled into my fallopian tube. There was no way to save the baby. It was either go to surgery and lose a fallopian tube, take a shot to poison the baby so it would die and be released, or leave the baby in there and burst my organ and I would die as well from internal bleeding.

Although it was too early in the pregnancy to know the sex of the baby, Zack and I knew it was going to be a girl. So, please keep Bianca Barrickman in your prayers as she makes her way up to heaven, where she will be greeted by my brother, John, and my nephew, Kenneth.

I want to thank my mom, Katie, Patty, Carol, Herb, Kristina, Keli, Kim, Ashley, Jacqueline, Nicole and especially Zack for being there during this time. For supporting my choice to keep the baby and for comforting my hurting heart when I lost her.