An Email That Touched My Heart...

Hi, my name is Luke Leavitt. I am Michael Johnson's cousin and a friend of your late brother, John. I first met your brother when I moved from Talkeetna and started attending Palmer High. He was the first person I met at try-outs for palmers baseball team. John was one of the few people who actually knew who I was and who I respected. The last time I saw John I had hit a huge wall and was falling quickly into the depths of heroine's hell and John somehow found this out. One day my phone rang and it was him inviting me out to lunch which was a great surprise to me for I knew the life that he'd left and the new one he was living and had avoided him amongst other people for the shear fact that I didn't want to be a stumbling block, you know? Well anyway I accepted his invitation and met with him. He told me of his knew found joy in Christ and the love he swore he'd lost, how happy he was and how he let me know that it was there for all.I dunno what happened but through our talk that day he'd encouraged me to enter a rehab faucility which I did in the hopes that I may start into a state of recovery and find the life and love I'd lost. That was the last time I saw him smiling, cheering, hoping, praying FOR ME. When I got out of rehab I had the great hope of telling John how much his words had meant to me and to thank him for being the angel I felt that he was (and IS) to me.When our friend, Travis, told me what had happened...well I felt many thing's I'd rather not say now, but the memory that John has left in my heart is one that shall be reveard until my time comes to meet Him and Our Father in Heaven, and now TARA YOU might now a little bit about who, I am just a remembering friend who misses your brother.

A Trip Down Memory Lane & A Glimpse To The Future

DLM was on the radio this morning. It was really awesome hearing Mumbo Jumbo while I was on my way to work. Daniel was interviewed by KWHL after that but I missed that part.

It got me thinking today about how much things have changed. How much I have changed. It has been seven months since Daniel and I broke up, but only a little over a month since I stopped talking to him completely. I can understand the dislike my friends have for him but I find it really hard not to send him an email saying "Congratulations" for how far DLM is going, even if they are still just in Anchorage. I don't blame Daniel for doing what he did, I don't agree with it and it really hurt, but it would have turned his whole life upside down and the consequences would have been severe. That is why I took the situation on alone. I find myself wondering what he was doing when I was in the hospital, fighting for two lives. I wonder where he was when I found out that one wasn't going to make it. I wonder what he was thinking when I had to make the decision to save myself. Did it ever cross his mind when I was grieving the loss of something that was only wanted by me? More importantly, why do I care? Why do I feel the need to reach out and forgive him? To let him know it's okay, when it never affected his life anyhow?

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28

That is what the Lord has given me, the ability to love those who have hurt me and hope that their life is blessed no matter how they treated me.

Loss has been a huge part of this journey I have been on. But it has also taught me what is precious in life. It has taught me that I can keep going long after I think I cannot. It has taught me not to let "the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game." There is always the fear in the back of my mind, when I feel like taking myself out of the game because I don't want to risk going through that pain again. But I remind myself that risk, pain, and tears are LIFE. I can choose to live it or I can choose to hide. I choose to live whether there's a storm on the horizon or it's a beautiful blue sky without a cloud insight...but I won't settle for anything less than spectacular.