A Trip Down Memory Lane & A Glimpse To The Future
DLM was on the radio this morning. It was really awesome hearing Mumbo Jumbo while I was on my way to work. Daniel was interviewed by KWHL after that but I missed that part.
It got me thinking today about how much things have changed. How much I have changed. It has been seven months since Daniel and I broke up, but only a little over a month since I stopped talking to him completely. I can understand the dislike my friends have for him but I find it really hard not to send him an email saying "Congratulations" for how far DLM is going, even if they are still just in Anchorage. I don't blame Daniel for doing what he did, I don't agree with it and it really hurt, but it would have turned his whole life upside down and the consequences would have been severe. That is why I took the situation on alone. I find myself wondering what he was doing when I was in the hospital, fighting for two lives. I wonder where he was when I found out that one wasn't going to make it. I wonder what he was thinking when I had to make the decision to save myself. Did it ever cross his mind when I was grieving the loss of something that was only wanted by me? More importantly, why do I care? Why do I feel the need to reach out and forgive him? To let him know it's okay, when it never affected his life anyhow?
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28
That is what the Lord has given me, the ability to love those who have hurt me and hope that their life is blessed no matter how they treated me.
Loss has been a huge part of this journey I have been on. But it has also taught me what is precious in life. It has taught me that I can keep going long after I think I cannot. It has taught me not to let "the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game." There is always the fear in the back of my mind, when I feel like taking myself out of the game because I don't want to risk going through that pain again. But I remind myself that risk, pain, and tears are LIFE. I can choose to live it or I can choose to hide. I choose to live whether there's a storm on the horizon or it's a beautiful blue sky without a cloud insight...but I won't settle for anything less than spectacular.
DLM was on the radio this morning. It was really awesome hearing Mumbo Jumbo while I was on my way to work. Daniel was interviewed by KWHL after that but I missed that part.
It got me thinking today about how much things have changed. How much I have changed. It has been seven months since Daniel and I broke up, but only a little over a month since I stopped talking to him completely. I can understand the dislike my friends have for him but I find it really hard not to send him an email saying "Congratulations" for how far DLM is going, even if they are still just in Anchorage. I don't blame Daniel for doing what he did, I don't agree with it and it really hurt, but it would have turned his whole life upside down and the consequences would have been severe. That is why I took the situation on alone. I find myself wondering what he was doing when I was in the hospital, fighting for two lives. I wonder where he was when I found out that one wasn't going to make it. I wonder what he was thinking when I had to make the decision to save myself. Did it ever cross his mind when I was grieving the loss of something that was only wanted by me? More importantly, why do I care? Why do I feel the need to reach out and forgive him? To let him know it's okay, when it never affected his life anyhow?
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28
That is what the Lord has given me, the ability to love those who have hurt me and hope that their life is blessed no matter how they treated me.
Loss has been a huge part of this journey I have been on. But it has also taught me what is precious in life. It has taught me that I can keep going long after I think I cannot. It has taught me not to let "the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game." There is always the fear in the back of my mind, when I feel like taking myself out of the game because I don't want to risk going through that pain again. But I remind myself that risk, pain, and tears are LIFE. I can choose to live it or I can choose to hide. I choose to live whether there's a storm on the horizon or it's a beautiful blue sky without a cloud insight...but I won't settle for anything less than spectacular.
posted by Tater at 5:18 PM
1 Comments:
And Jesus is more than that - He is awesome. I heard something on the radio yesterday morning about how we casually use the term for describing anything we like, but that the only truly awesome being is God Himself: what He's done for us, and what He'll do for us if we only ask Him. He alone has the power to change hearts.
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