Finding Tara

I have been going through a really hard time lately. I have fallen into the clutches of the devil yet again. This time I'm coming back with a vengence. My sister, Katie, prayed with me over the phone Sunday and Monday for God to give me the strength to do what I need to do for myself. Yesterday I went to my first AA meeting. In the beginning we had a moment of prayer and I prayed "Dear Lord, I want you to take over my life now. I'm giving my life to you and I know that you will lead me in the right direction." I was asked to introduce myself since I was a newcomer and I nearly choked on the words "My name is Tara and I'm an alcoholic," but I got them out and a wave of peace waved over me after that. There were people that I hadn't ever met that were coming up to me and telling me how proud they were of me and giving me hugs. One lady bought me "The Big Book," which is pretty much the handbook for Alcoholics Anonymous. After the meeting Dan and I sat down and had a talk. I told him that I loved him and that I wanted to be with him but I needed to work on myself right now. I told him I didn't blame him if he didn't believe me this time or trust me. I told him I was moving out. There were lots of tears and we decided to slow things down. We have been sleeping in seperate rooms for two nights now. This is probably one of the most difficult times of my life. I woke with a sense of calm this morning, with a sense that everything is going to be okay. I still have a little fear in me that it won't work with Daniel, that he might not love me as much as I love him. Only time will tell and I know that I need to love myself more than I love him and to live my life God's way. I am going to another AA meeting this evening at 5:30 p.m. I would appreciate all the prayers I can get. I know it's going to be a long road and the devil is going to tempt me to sin. But I have God on my side, and now I KNOW it.