Have you ever picked up the phone to call someone and realize there is no one you can talk to? Have you ever been hurt by the one you love but you don't want to talk to anyone about it because you don't them thinking less of the person you love?

Have you ever felt so alone that all you could do is write and wish for some kind of happiness to make everything better?It's funny how sometimes the saddest girl in the world can have a smile on her face almost all of the time. The girl that can always make you laugh is crying on the inside.I'm so sick of blaming things on myself. I feel that the people who know me know what to say to truly hurt me and the thing is I can't tell them that they're wrong.

I feel that the only time I really let things out and FEEL things is when I've had a few drinks. I know that it isn't the best thing to deal with things but I also know that they are never dealt with when I'm sober. I'm so afraid of losing a loved one that I put up with almost anything. I have started to ask myself lately "is it me?" or is it something else? It's easy for people to deal with my by just saying "Oh, she was drunk," and I start to wonder if that's an easy out for people who don't really love me.